I will be honest, I hit the publish button on this website with that rush of excitement after how many months of chewing through ideas, and then, I stumbled. Somewhere between last minute spell checks and sharing on social media I lost my voice, I couldn't quite grasp what it was I had wanted to do here. I wrote a post for Instagram and it made me squirm, it felt inauthentic, my words sounded staged and commodity lead. Then, yesterday afternoon I found myself listening to the 'For the Wild' podcast with Ella Noah Bancroft and suddenly space cleared in my mind again and I could see the path I was walking. And it is for moments like that, that I wish to share and write, to hope that I can touch into an idea within you that perhaps needs watered or weeded to create the space for it to grow.
Within the podcast the conversation turned at one point to inauthenticity and how the western culture struggles with this especially when we idolise celebrities, or the new world of influencers. That some how we have let this become what teaches our youth how to show up in life, we no longer turn to the "Elders" of the village and from that we have lost our Elders. This is something I really feel into, and have noticed over the years the repercussions that this has had on me, manifesting in a insatiable desire for courses and learning and yet never finding the 'teacher' I crave. I don't know if anyone else can identify with this?
This also plays into a book I have been reading lately "The Journey of Soul Initiation" by Bill Plotkin, where he too talks of the lack of Elders and from that the a certain lack in our ability to fully mature as adults. When we have become disillusioned into what out ideas of maturity is: career, parenthood, certain age, we may bypass some of the grounds we need to walk over to truly become comfortable within ourselves. And when that happens we might not be able to move past our own egotistic desires and see how our actions in life can make toward a better future for all. This is where I call for the need, as I will over and over again, for the need to self study, called svadyaya in yoga.
There was another aspect of the podcast conversation that cleared space in my mind, and humbly reminded me of what I wrote here about building on what has come before me. The call for a change in a 'belief system of needing to be the one in charge, a need to be the teacher'. Although I recognise that I have acquired a considerable amount of knowledge around certain areas, I know I still have so much to learn, some of which can only come from experience. In saying this I hope you can understand that my role here is as a conduit, and a space holder, and perhaps you too can reflect upon what it means to bring this humble idea into your life, that you do not need to be a teacher.